A Mother's Heart

First (and second) takes on motherhood .::. adoption .::. and family life

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Location: Dexter, Michigan, United States

Sunday, July 09, 2006

We're LIVE!!

The new site is up and running--I'm going to leave this site up for another 3 or 4 months as a reminder, but no more posts will be put up here. ;)

Read the latest posts from A Mother's Heart here . You can sign up to read the posts in your email or by RSS syndicate with your choice of aggregator/readers. :)

See you there! :)

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Site is MOVING!!

To quote a line from "Madagascar,"
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
I like to move it, move it
You like to ... MOVE IT!

Yep, that's right...this blog is MOVING! Go to http://www.mamasheartblog.com for a complete update and the new home of 'a mother's heart'--it's up, but is still undergoing tweaking as I learn this new format. ;)

See you there! :)

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Dividing Mothers....Again

Recently, someone on a parenting discussion board posted a link to an article about motherhood and breastfeeding. Ordinarily, this would not be news. But the point of the article seemed to be to try to divide mothers and set them against each other, yet again. So the rest of this post will make sense, I'll post the link here. So go read it now and then come back.

Okay, now you're back. My first response to this article was quite sarcastic--something along the lines of "I can hardly wait for the bashing of mothers to begin....NOT!" I was challenged by the original poster about my views on mothering and breastfeeding, and I wanted to state my views here as well. After all, it is *my* blog, right? ;)

Let me start off by saying that I do believe breastmilk is the best of all possible foods for babies, and I do believe it is optimum for mother and child to start their lives together this way. But let's face it, optimum isn't always plausible. And I don't believe that because a mother may make the best possible decision for her family and her health (and it may not include breastfeeding) that she should be scorned, ridiculed, or made to feel guilty or inferior for that decision. I'll also remind readers that I'm coming all this and all topics from a Christian worldview, and that the list on which this topic was broached is also a Christian forum. That said, here's my take on it.

Yes, breastfeeding is optimum. But so is a sinless existence in the Garden of Eden. *That* was shot to you-know-where with Adam & Eve's sin and only through the *grace* of God we are able to achieve that optimum level of living on the other side of this earthly life through Jesus' sacrifice. So talk of 'optimum' and 'best' pales when we consider what God's optimum and best was for us and how we don't have it. 'Optimum' in my world would be a sin-free and perfect existence, not just mothers breastfeeding for at least 6 months.

While God did indeed design women to breastfeed, there are some women who will never lactate even once--be it because of surgery to treat breast cancer, the fact that they've never given birth, or that they became a mother through some other means (adoption jumps to mind). Does this make their motherhood less than optimum? I would say no.

Our job as parents is to raise healthy children who (in the Christian worldview) learn to love God and live their lives for Him. Breastfeeding is not required for that. And to those who choose to condemn others who cannot maintain a milk supply or who are unable to breastfeed or who simply are not comfortable with that function of their bodies (this usually centers around some type of previous sexual abuse; I had a friend like this) and choose to feed with formula, I assert that they are GOOD mothers who are making the BEST choice they can for their families at that intersection of time and circumstances. Babies are *hungry* and they need *food*. Does it *really matter* what food they are fed, as long as it is nourishing their tiny bodies and they are growing?

I went through a situation when our son was newly weaned (after 6.5 mos of age) with a friend who just had her 4th child. She struggled with nursing--mostly because her body overproduced hormones related to letdown and milk production and when she nursed, she literally felt as if the world was coming to an end. She was also exceedingly tired and trying to care for the rest of her family and feeling as though she just couldn't do it all at the same time. She called me in tears one afternoon, wanting to talk about nursing. She was hormonal and struggling with condemnation, but she honestly felt as though she couldn't nurse her infant even one more time. My heart broke for her and as we talked, I assured her that her baby would be fine via formula and she *wasn't* a bad mom. We conversed about what parents did before the days of formula--the answers were wet nurses (if they were wealthy) or they used cow's or goat's milk. And infant mortality rates showed the poor options they had and the poor nutrition and medicine available to them.

Instead of condemning those who choose to feed their babies with formula, I *praise God for formula*--because it means that God has allowed our scientific knowledge to increase to a point where we can mimic breastmilk and feed our babies a healthy substitute that allows them to grow and not risk their lives.

For those reasons, I believe *grace* is required here--grace for those who choose differently than we do. That, and a *gratitude* for the understanding we now have how to make nutritious substitutes for what is considered the gold-standard of infant-feeding. I truly resent the opportunity that others with agendas take to politicize something as netural as how a baby is fed and tries to divide mothers and pit them against each other once again. The conception and birth of a child is a wonderful thing and should be celebrated. There shouldn't be anything that condemns a new mother who is trying to do the best she can for her baby and her health, and that includes someone else's political agenda.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

In Our Midst

Over the weekend I met one of the speakers and had a few moments to talk to him personally. I detected that he might be a believer and I was right. I love 'faith radar'. :) Anyhow, in the time I had to bend his ear, he put me on to his wife's ministry site. I immediately went to it and sat in the conference, reading about this ministry...and crying.

It's not like there weren't 100+ people around me and I could be covert in my emotional response, but I really didn't care. The Spirit's touch on this site and this ministry is so very evident.

Before you hop over there, let me tell you that I resonate much of what you will read. The Church as a whole has done a poor job (IMO) of bringing healing to victims of abortion and other sexual sins--in effect, we create a second victimization for these people. Yes, I know the argument that these victims have "chosen" this path, but I believe this sentiment lacks compassion and love--the very things that Jesus modeled and commanded us to have. When we consider all the factors that go in to the decision to abort a child or the circumstances in which sexual sins are committed, we step in to the place of those who are in an impossible situation and can't seem to see Hope or a way out and we leave judgmentalism behind. Not to mention that many sexual sins which affect people aren't always the fault of those suffering from them--there is a ripple effect from all sin, and oftentimes there are innocent victims who do not receive appropriate support or healing inside the Church.

Sometimes this lack of healing and condemnation that victims receive comes from an inability to be honest and a discomfort with personal issues. What's a shame is that we don't seem to desire to overcome our dishonesty and discomfort and we let others believe they are alone and unique in their suffering. When we do this, we express a message that damages more than the people who need Jesus' love and healing, we damage those who watch and observe and learn tacitly, as well. Our children watch, listen, and learn--by what we say and do, and by what we don't say and don't do. So the opportunity to perpetuate our discomfort and dishonesty manifests itself to the next generation. And the love of Jesus goes unspoken in these situations.

So now that you have my mini-sermon on showing compassion and understanding to those who have sinned (and which one of us hasn't?), go visit In Our Midst. I think you'll be touched and amazed and hopefully, your eyes will be opened to another side of the abortion-issue. And with those open eyes, may you see the victims who are the walking-wounded of this hot-topic with the compassion and love that Jesus does.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Home Again

Tired does not even begin to describe how I feel right now. Exhausted comes closer, but not even that does it justice. :0 I am road-weary and brain-dead, and want to sleep for the next 3 days straight.

But that ain't gonna happen, eh? ;) I am so very glad to be home--I missed my boys and there's only so long I can sleep on a rock-hard hotel bed and pretend that I've had a good night's sleep and that I'm rested.

The drive back yesterday was interminable. Lisa & I had a great time to talk and we took advantage of it, but we sat for an hour in PA turnpike (out of Philly) traffic and drove 5 miles in that hour. :( And then the rain I encountered had us driving at 20mph at some points--we didn't see sun until we were half-way through KY and nearing Fayette county. :0 And at that point, it was nearly time for sunSET! :0

We made a stop yesterday on the turnpike for fuel (which oddly enough, was actually cheaper than in Philly itself) and glory be! I found a Starbucks there. !!! They had brewed my favourite java, almost like it was a divine appointment. ;) I got a venti decaf Verona and capped it off with cream and equal. Despite the fact that it was decaf, I didn't care. I hadn't had coffee in 5 days at that point, and I just wanted the flavour. Bizarre as it is, just managing to get what I was after (good coffee) did me a WORLD of good and buoyed my spirits like few other things have. I guess it was therapeutic.

Anyhow, I have tons of work to do today around the house, so no more time lollygagging and blogging. Off to vacuuming and making lunch! :)

Monday, June 26, 2006

WaKe uP!!

Okay, so we're almost out of the hotel and on our way home. In the interest of getting home sooner, we're skipping the networking breakfast and this will put us home after dark. I think the Samsonites under my eyes have their own little bags to carry, though--I'm one whupped puppy. :| And I'm driving the whole 12 hours home. :| :|

But I realized that although I haven't had good coffee in 5 days, I've not been dragging like I normally would. I picked up a little box of "Morning Spark" before I left (on a whim, mostly), which is a caffeinated "stick" of drink mix. It's sugarless and fruit flavoured and I thought, "Eh...can't hurt!"

Boy! It doesn't hurt--it HELPED!! :) I am so impressed with this stuff that I wanted to take an uncharacteristic moment and plug it publically. I LOVE this stuff! I have no idea how much caffeine is in it, but it seems to be equivalent to about 2 cups of coffee, based on my 'alert-factor'. And since conferences run on little sleep and lots of speakers (and warm rooms, which after lunch cause 'jello-neck head-bobbing' to take place), my 'alert-factor' was important. :)

Anyhow, I know Wallyworld sells it for about $2 a box, and you'd better believe I'm going to buy some more, just to keep on hand. :) If you want more info, you can find it here.

Now I'm off to finish packing the suitcase and getting the out of Philly. :) I never thought I'd welcome the site of the PA turnpike, but guess what...?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Dreamin' Big

I'm at a conference in Philadelphia right now and listening to people talk about networking (so very NOT my personality--talking to people I don't know?!), how to build your business, and how to succeed with different coaches, mentors, etc. Yesterday was a bit of a bust (I actually got quite a bit of knitting done....), but this morning's speakers are wonderful! :) And it's fun to dream big about all of this stuff.

I've met some incredibly interesting people and hope to continue to build relationships with them. The most interesting thing to me is that this whole thing (building your business, expanding, etc.) focuses on the RELATIONSHIP. Everything that is successful online these days is about relationship. People *crave* this and they'll do whatever they can in our fractured world and society to meet the need they have to be in relationships with others.

Now to segue this to my line of thinking: you know that I'm a Believer and that I think the best way to reach people with God's love is through relationship. Yes, relationships are messy--people are messy! But we are created for relationship--with each other and with God.

It just strikes me as somewhat ironic that I'm in this business conference and yet it's reinforcing everything I know and think about life and ministry. It's all about the relationship.

So now it's about time for lunch--there'll be some schmoozing and talking, but hopefully, some real relationships will be forged here and people's felt needs and unfelt needs will be met. And I'll continue to shine brightly as these relationships are built. :)